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WHAT ARE YOUR KIDS REALLY DOING ON WEEKENDS?
On March 15, 2007, they told us. That night the OMHS PTSA hosted a frank panel discussion by 10 students from Pikesville, Owings Mills, Franklin and New Town High Schools, about current trends among high school students regarding alcohol and drugs, moderated by Katie McCabe, a counselor at First Step, a substance abuse program counseling teens.
Apparently drinking alcohol and marijuana-smoking at parties has become even more commonplace than when we held a similar panel two years ago -- the 10 students themselves, who were either attending or had recently graduated agreed that parties with alcohol have become commonplace -- "95%" was the figure they threw out when asked for an estimate -- and that many parents who believe that their children are attending these parties but not drinking or "smoking weed" are in denial. They also agreed that 9th and 10th graders are participating more often than even two or three years ago. In response to an audience question, Katie McCabe said that these problems are not unique to the Northwest area or to public school students, but are countywide and affect all socioeconomic brackets, and all levels of academic achievement. “Drugs used to be counterculture – now drugs are the culture. All kids must decide their relationship with drugs and alcohol,” she said.
Where do they do it? They find the path of least resistance – either permissive or clueless parents, or homes where the parents leave their children unsupervised overnight. In the cell phone culture, word of homes where the parents will be away travels fast. All but one raised their hands when asked if they knew of parents who smoke marijuana with their kids.
Two of the panelists were recent OMHS alumni in recovery from drug abuse, and afterwards the parents of one of them told the story of how they missed the signals of her slide into cocaine addiction. Another parent in the audience with a 17 year-old daughter currently in rehab also shared his experiences and said he has awakened to the need to be more vigilant and involved in monitoring the social life of her younger sibling. It bears noting that both these girls were academically talented students, sociable and involved in school activities, before they became addicts -- their parents' point was "this can happen to anyone."
Katie McCabe concurred: As a parent, the longer you can delay the child’s drug or alcohol use, the better, because teens are more vulnerable to developing an addiction than adults. At age 14, people who begin drinking regularly have a 47% chance of becoming alcohol-dependent later in life. After age 21, the number drops to 9%. (This information comes from a recent study at Boston University's School of Medicine – see http://pubs.ama-assn.org/media/2006a/0703.dtl#early.) If you have a family history of drug or alcohol addiction, the percentages rise considerably. So this is not just a social issue, it's a health issue. Internal structures need time to develop, a sense of limits and consequences. Kids who start early lose the ability to have fun without being high or drunk; they come to feel that there is nothing else to do on weekends.
If a child was raised well, said McCabe, he will fear punishment, and will suffer guilt and shame if he tries drugs or alcohol when it has been explicitly forbidden or is caught breaking his parents' rules. "We at First Step are shocked by how many parents fail to establish even the most minimal controls for their children, such as setting curfews and not leaving them alone in the house while the parents go away on overnight trips." If you can’t stay up until they get home, she said, then their curfew is too late. The students agreed that the loving message that "I can't fall asleep until I know you're home" and knowing that their parents will be up to give them a kiss goodnight is a powerful incentive to avoid using.
When the students were asked whether they wished their parents would be stricter, they agreed that an authoritarian relationship with teens just fosters rebellious behavior. It's not strictness, it's awareness they wish for. Most students agreed that having a close relationship in which students feel free to be honest is most important. An example would be an understanding that the student could call his parents at any time to avoid riding with a drunk driver. When there is openness and mutual respect, students fear losing their parents’ trust and this guides their behavior. A few stated they truly wished the alcohol use was not as prevalent as it is. They'd like to avoid it and still have an active social life, and a couple of them said they agreed to be on the panel because they are sick of hearing about someone from their high school dying in an alcohol-related accident every year.
The students also suggested that parents make an effort to know their kids' friends. The young woman in recovery from cocaine addiction observed that "there aren't gateway drugs, there are gateway people," and that she gradually matriculated from marijuana smoking to cocaine use through meeting friends of the marijuana dealers. Prescription drug abuse is common, and she said that she observed people succumb so rapidly to Oxycontin addiction and resort to stealing to feed the habit, that she steered clear. She also said that if parents are suspicious they should do a drug test with a heat strip. If you sense they are spending money faster than usual, ask to see the receipts and what they've bought.
The discussion also revealed that while teens are now very aware of the dangers of drinking and driving they don't realize the dangers of smoking pot while driving because they think it enhances awareness, not realizing it also slows one's reaction time. The car is one place some believe they can smoke and not get caught. There's even an activity called a ”blunt ride" where they drive while passing around a cigar that has been stuffed with marijuana.
In closing, Dr. Jeff Gary, director of First Step, said that no matter what kids tell you about how they are ready to handle things, they are still your responsibility. When we see a risk looming that outweighs our sense of wanting to give them a chance to make their own mistakes, we have to follow through. Parents need to recognize that allowing them to drink at home isn't doing their kids or their friends any favors.
--Helen Glazer Marcus, 2007 |
